So Many Feelings

This QOTW at work led to tears at work. 

While I was getting ready to meet Molly and head to LI for our beach day, the news was spreading about the Orlando massacre. I was pretty much in a media blackout for most of the day, so it wasn't until we were on the train back to the city that we started looking at the facebook posts and reading some of the articles about what happened at Pulse. We were heartbroken. So much so, that all day yesterday, I kept tearing up and getting incredibly emotional anytime anyone asked me about it (the mailman nearly had to comfort me as tears slipped down my cheeks).

I don't really have much more to say other than this act of domestic terror occurred because of who these wonderful people loved. These lovely people:

Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old
Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old
Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old
Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old
Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old
Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old
Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old
Kimberly Morris, 37 years old
Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old
Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old
Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old
Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old
Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old
Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old
Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old
Amanda Alvear, 25 years old
Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old
Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old
Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old
Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old
Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old
Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old
Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old
Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old
Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old
Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old
Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old
Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old
Cory James Connell, 21 years old
Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old
Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old
Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old
Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old
Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old
Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old
Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old
Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old
Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old
Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old
Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old
Yilmary Rodriguez Sulivan, 24 years old
Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old
Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old
Frank Hernandez, 27 years old
Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old
Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old
Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old

These lovely INNOCENT people celebrating Latinx night in a "safe space", THEIR space. Whose names we need to remember. Who were people with families and friends and lovers and who DID NOT DESERVE TO DIE. Most of whom are no older than me. I am heartbroken. Heartbroken.

And last night, information came to light that the shooter, the terrorist (who does not deserve to have his name remembered) who committed a HATE CRIME was a regular at Pulse. Had accounts on a number of gay dating sites, and was actively homophobic.

This needs to stop. We need to stop teaching people that they should be ashamed of who they love. It is NOT a choice. It is NOT "wrong" or "gross" or "unnatural" or "one step closer to beastiality" (vomit!). NO. STOP THAT. THAT RHETORIC IS (one of) THE REASON(s) WHY THESE CRIMES OCCUR IN THE FIRST PLACE! Self-loathing is so often the reason for hate crimes. And it breaks my heart.

As Lin-Manuel Miranda said at the Tonys Sunday night, "And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside."

The other thing I am done talking about is the Second Amendment. Look, the Constitution was written nearly 250 years ago. It includes statements about African-Americans being counted as 3/5ths of a person, women were not allowed to vote, and includes 26 OTHER amendments to the original language BECAUSE IT WAS NOT PERFECT and the framers themselves acknowledged they were not infallible. (There was even concern about the language giving future generations the wrong impression that because these were the things included in the Constitution, that they were the only protections offered and could NEVER CHANGE. Ugh.)

Anyway, regardless of what is said by the NRA, guns rights activists, the Republican party, and any other Politician or human being under the impression that a semi-automatic rifle is a) to what the Second Amendment was referring, or b) a weapon used in hunting is JUST PLAIN WRONG. Obama, the Democratic party, and gun control laws WILL NOT TAKE AWAY YOUR GUNS, but they will help end these acts of violence we keep committing again and again and again and again against our fellow human beings. Gun Control Is Necessary AND WE NEED IT NOW.

This problem is two-fold: the hyper-masculine (and anti-LGBTQI+) rhetoric pervasive in our culture, religious doctrines, and national conversations; AND the refusal to regulate gun ownership in America. Let's work on both. Then maybe we won't have a mentally disturbed self-loathing homophobe LEGALLY be able to purchase an AR-15 and kill nearly 50 people in an act of domestic terrorism and a hate crime. Let's work on this. PLEASE. Because I am DONE.

No more thoughts and prayers. Legislation. NOW.